When a Tree, a Shadow, and a Bush Joined My Bus Route (Or Maybe That Dude’s Vape Wasn’t Just Mango-Flavoured…)

That Dude’s Vape

The Wildest, Weirdest, Most WTF Day in Public Transport History

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Okay, so I’m just gonna start by saying: if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to drive a bus while tripping without actually taking anything? Well, welcome to my Monday.

Picture this—me, Chad Thunderstruck, your favourite bus driver, doing my thing. Picking up people, dodging bad drivers, living my best life. But today? Oh, today the universe decided to throw me into the deep end of weird. And I’m not talking about your garden-variety strangeness, like someone bringing a parrot in a backpack (happened). No, no. Today, I drove headfirst into a fever dream, complete with walking trees, shadow ninjas, and a bush with commitment issues.

But before we get into that mess, let’s rewind a bit. Because I think the source of this bizarre trip might have been Bill—the guy with the vape pen that smelled like a candy factory and a reggae concert had a baby.

The Setup: Bill and His Magical Vape

It all started a couple of stops back, when I picked up Bill. He’s a regular, comes on twice a week, smells like a tropical smoothie on holiday, and vapes like his life depends on it. Normally, I wouldn’t care—live and let vape, right?—but this time, the air around him was thick. I mean, his cloud of “mango citrus surprise” or whatever was less of a puff and more of an atmosphere. Dude practically had his own weather system.

I’m driving, trying to breathe through what smells like a Skittles factory fire, and I swear I start feeling… something. Not dizzy, not sick, just a little… floaty. Like maybe Bill’s fruity vape had a secret ingredient that wasn’t listed on the label, if you catch my drift.

But hey, I’m a pro. I shake it off and keep going. Little did I know, that was mistake number one.

Enter: The White Tree (And Some Questionable Life Choices)

Fast forward to the next stop. I pull up, exchange a few words with Tony (my relief driver who looks like he just discovered jazz music for the first time), and as we’re chatting, I notice something… off. Now, I’ve seen weird stuff driving the bus—like that time a guy brought a full drum kit on board—but this was next level.

There, not too far from the kerb, stands what I can only describe as a white tree with feet. Yep. Feet. As in, “supposed-to-be-on-a-human-but-instead-they’re-supporting-a-tree” feet. It’s just standing there, like the world’s most confused Christmas decoration that wandered out of season.

Tony? He’s squinting at it like it’s an optical illusion on one of those late-night puzzle shows. Me? I’m wondering if Bill’s vape had me inhaling some extra creativity along with the mango.

So, I wave at Tree-Man (because why not?). But instead of waving back, Tree-Man starts shuffling. Not walking, not strutting—shuffling. Like someone who’s trying to sneak out of a wedding reception with a plate of snacks. And then, it hits me: I’m not hallucinating. This tree is real, and it’s wearing shoes. The tree is in Nikes.

Now, I’m trying to keep a straight face, but Tony’s already cracking up next to me, snorting into his Earl Grey, while Tree-Man continues his awkward shuffle like he’s training for the least impressive marathon ever.

Oh Look, a Ninja (Because Why Not?)

Just when I think this situation can’t get any weirder, enter Shadow-Person. And when I say “shadow,” I mean someone decked out in all black, creeping around like they’ve just binged 12 hours of Naruto and decided to give stealth a whirl. And what’s their grand plan? Mimicking Tree-Man’s every move.

That’s right—Shadow-Person is copying every awkward shuffle, every jittery step, like they’ve appointed themselves Tree-Man’s hype-man… except this is the least hype I’ve ever seen. It’s like watching a stealth mission where both people forgot how to use their legs.

I’m starting to laugh now, because this can’t be real. No way. No. Freaking. Way. And yet, here we are.

Tony’s practically in tears, trying to drink his tea and watch this impromptu street performance at the same time. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there, one hand on the steering wheel, wondering if Bill's vape juice has transported me to some alternate dimension where public transport doubles as a live-action improv show.

The Final Touch: A Bush with a Face

And then, just as I’m contemplating whether I’ve fully lost my mind or just my grip on reality, the bush shows up.

I swear to you, a bush with a face starts waddling into the scene like it missed its cue. It’s like someone threw a shrub costume on a toddler and told them to “act natural.” And by natural, I mean wobbling around like a confused toddler at a Halloween party. I blink twice, rub my eyes—nope, still there.

The bush wobbles, the tree shuffles, and Shadow-Person continues their weird ninja act, while the rest of my passengers just stare. Gladys, my personal favourite—who’s seen more of the world than Google Earth—leans over and deadpans, “You sure you didn’t inhale something funny, Chad?”

The Realisation: Maybe I Did

At this point, it’s all coming together. Bill’s vape. His “mango madness” cloud has probably seeped into my brain, twisting reality into a Salvador Dalí painting where trees walk, shadows dance, and bushes get way too personal.

But here’s the kicker: this really happened. It wasn’t just the vape (probably). This wasn’t some edible-fuelled fever dream or my brain going haywire after too many shifts. The tree, the ninja, and the bush? They were real… or as real as anything can be when you’re driving a bus after possibly getting a contact high from a fruity vape explosion.

The Epilogue: Bus Driving in the Twilight Zone

I drive away from the scene, passengers equally bemused and confused, while I’m left pondering my entire existence. Did I just witness the weirdest chase scene of my life, or was Bill’s vape secretly the key to a parallel universe? Hard to say.

All I know is that I’ll be keeping an eye out for Bill next time he steps on the bus, puffing away like a human fog machine. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned today, it’s that you never know what’s real, what’s not, and what’s just a side effect of a second-hand vape hit.

In conclusion? Reality is overrated. Bus drivers? We live for the chaos. Stay tuned for my next adventure, where I’ll probably be driving through a field of sentient pineapples or taking directions from a telepathic pigeon. Anything’s possible when Bill’s on board.

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Chad Thunderstruck – Chaos Enthusiast & Storyteller Extraordinaire

You may call me Chad Thunderstruck, and while I definitely don’t have a Wi-Fi-enabled toaster (yet), I’m all about making the everyday weird, wonderful, and occasionally baffling. Stick with me, and who knows? You might just catch a glimpse of the next shadow-bush-tree chase. Or at least hear a wild story about it. Stay tuned.